![]() I think in her mind, she is fully planning on being a good mom, but I also think she has next to no idea what that means in a practical day to day reality this costs a fortune kind of way, and I'm not sure how to explain it to her without being accused of undue "pressure" one way or the other.ī.) The accusation does hurt, because the truth is I would much prefer she hae an abortion, but I'm trying really hard tnot to influence her one way or the other so I'm not sure where the boundaries are between "sharing your experience" and "convince them to abort". I'm sure she thinks that if I just support her, she would be able to be a good mom and have this baby she wants. To address a few things:Ī.) I don't think she meant "play mom" the way many of you perceive it or I may have made it sound. So, Reddit, AITAH and a bad feminist for "forcing an abortion" when I am "supposed to be pro choice"? She is threatening to cut all contact, and of course I don't want that at all but I simply cannot afford another baby right now, time wise OR money wise, I'm already drowning.Įdit: Thank you so much for your comments, I'm reading through them but they're coming so fast I can't keep up. She has been texting my mom (who also still works full time) and brother, saying that I'm forcing her to abort a child she wants, and they've been blowing up my phone but I just don't have the energy to deal with them, and I don't think I'm wrong so I don't even know what to say to them i've always tried my best to be a good mom, and I've never denied her love or support but I feel like she's asking too much by asking me to devote a significant amount of time and money, which I don't have, into raising this baby. I haven't responded yet because I don't want to hurt her and I know she's scared, but I also still feel strongly that simply can not be raising another child in the little bit of off time I get, and I can't even come close to affording things like diapers and formula regularly. She disconnected without a word, and this morning I got a long, angry text saying I was a terrible mother and a bad feminist because I was forcing her to have an abortion, which I don't think is true at all. ![]() She then said "so I should get an abortion?!" And I said the choice is hers, but she needed to keep what it will cost her time and money wise in mind when making that choice. She got very upset and said the dad had ghosted her and without my support and money, she couldn't afford it and would be too exhausted for college or anything else. I would help in emergencies but the only regular, repeatable contribution I can offer is housing and food and utilities. I said she was welcome to stay at home but all routine babycare will be on her and the dad, and on them alone, as would all expenses related to the baby. I haven't been to so much as a movie or coffeeshop since I became a single mom because there's just never money. ![]() I already struggle to find enough time with my school aged children, I honestly don't have much time even for myself, the last time I left the house for something for ME and not the family was before their dad died 8 years ago. I work full time at a very intense job, sometimes 50-60 hours a week if I can because we need that money. I definitely can't afford to maintain an adult and a baby on top of that. I told her congratulations, and I love and support her but I would not be able to provide substantial childcare or financial support because I am a widow with 2 children still in school and we're barely surviving as it is, and I have had to take out loans just to afford her college, which I now have to pay back. ![]() I was shocked, because I have always told her how important it is to finish college before kids and I pay her birth control monthly to exactly prevent this scenario, but I didn't say that, I tried to be nice and supportive but still firm. She talked about what the baby would need that I should buy, that I can watch the baby in the evenings after I work so she can still go to college and "have a life" and how happy she is to finally be an adult. She called me last night, over the moon, and said that she was so excited, she couldn't wait to move back home and "play mom" (her words). My daughter is a freshman at college, and she fell pregnant.
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